Hi, I'm Dan Quayle
and I would like to talk to you about the serious disease Quaylitis.
I caught Quaylitis several years ago, but thanks to timely medical intervention
my case is now in remission.
Quaylitis is a chronic stress-related illness endemic to politicians. Since the causes include jet lag and excessive foreign funeral attendance, it is most common in Vice Presidents.
Beginning symptoms include potatoe syndrome and fumblemouth. These symptoms may worsen, and more serious symptoms may appear, including prevarication, paranoia (including fear of a vast right-wing conspiracy), megalomanic delusions, and even suicide attempts.
Not everyone is as lucky as I was. "A.G." (not his real name) has final-stage Quaylitis and has shown all of the symptoms.
There is no known cure but there is hope. Research funded by the National Quaylitis Foundation has developed effective ameliorative treatment. But treatment is very expensive since, due to Quaylitis-induced paranoia, the doctor must be disguised as an allied politician. The National Quaylitis Foundation spends millions of dollars each year getting its physicians elected to political office, so that they will be in position to treat victims of Quaylitis.
So the National Quaylitis Foundation needs your help. Please make your check out to the National Quaylitis Foundation and mail it to:
National Quaylitis Foundation
c/o Dr. Joseph Lieberman
Luser, TN BR549
A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Lose.
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Disclaimer: The National Quaylitis Foundation is not associated in any way with Marina Sirtis, Vanna White, The Britney Spears Guide to Semiconductor Physics Ronald Reagan, J. Danforth (Dan) Quayle, George Bush, or Pat Sajak.